Mental Framing: Obstacles are Opportunities

Mental Framing: Obstacles are Opportunities

The principal factor in your success will be what goes on within the six-inches between your ears. The way in which you frame obstacles and opportunities will far greater impact your success than either the team you’re on or the territory that you sell in. I’ve seen too many people focus on what does not happen, concentrating their attention on the things not going their way; as well as people who view success in terms of the absence of losing. Neither could be any less on point. I flat-out do not believe that you can actually be a champion until you prove able to ‘get off the mat.’ Being a champion, indeed, is about not only how much you win but also how you respond to setbacks and losses.

In 2008, I was in love. So to be closer to her, I quit my job, moved to Alameda, and after a few months it seemed that we would be having a child. It was amazing, exciting, and—as I for the first time since age 15 was unemployed—also absolutely terrifying. I could not get an interview, let alone a job. It hit me all at once in a Target parking lot. I was there to buy a pregnancy test, blown away by how much they cost, and thus soon found myself back in my car counting change from the ashtray to pay for it – I even contemplated shoplifting, because the coins in my car just about was all the money I had left in the world. I had been out of work for a few months, with no 4-year degree, and my resume was near entirely made-up of retail experience. There, sitting in a parking lot, counting change and considering stealing, it all hit me. All I could think was, “I’m-a loser” and “what will this child think of me?” I resolved that my first step was not to get arrested for shoplifting; found enough coins, spent my life savings on the test, and took it from there. Pregnant? Of course, she was. I would be the father of a little girl. I did not care about anything else in my life other than making sure that my child would be proud of me – that she would be excited to bring me to school for career day or the father-daughter dance. I was down on the mat, hard, dangerously close to the 10-count. 

Eventually, I got my first job in sales as a commission-only life insurance agent, through a friend of my girlfriend, and used that moment in the Target parking lot as fuel to keep me focused on killing that role. By 2011, I was actively looking to get into saas (I’d done insurance for just over a year, and by then was in B2B office supply sales), but it again proved another challenge. Because, while my resume contained sales, it didn’t contain ‘saas’ sales. I was getting the usual: “Thank you for applying, however we are looking for someone with 2-3 years experience in saas.” The fact that I did have nearly three successful-years in B2B sales, and was already 29 did not seem to matter. After being turned down by over a dozen companies, I finally landed an Account Executive role at Demandforce, a company which had twice previously denied me. While getting the job I wanted was elating, by that time was dealing with gut-retching personal issues. 

The relationship between me and my daughter’s mother had devolved into pure custody disagreement, and ultimately wound up in court. While ‘08 was a hard period, this by far was the most exhausting and challenging time of my life. I was transitioning into a new company, in a new industry, wanting nothing more than to be successful – yet my focus was being torn elsewhere, because at stake was how much I’d get to see my daughter. If I went to my manager to explain my situation, I think he’d have amicably accepted my falling short of quota. But I didn’t want “to admit” what I was going through, and instead as a mode of distraction yet further dedicated myself to work. Whereas for the most part everything going-on within the legal system was out of my hands, my sales performance was something I could control (my attitude and effort was solely up to me) – so all of my energy, I directed there. It resulted in me breaking production records, and even earned me the promotion which began my career in sales leadership. Struggles and failings are what you make of them. That’s the point. Indeed, far greater than how often everything goes well, it is how well you ‘get off the mat’ that will determine how successful a career you have. Below are a few concepts that I use to frame and overcome such instances.

  • Goal Setting:

It can be useful to write down your goals. In fact, right now, stop reading and make a list of personal and professional goals. Have ‘em all down? Great. Now crumble up the list and throw it in the garbage. If you can’t remember the goals you want to achieve, really, how important can they actually be? If you think about it, a list of goals is little more than a grocery list – except unlike a grocery list, which helps you to remember everything, a list of goals serves no direct purpose. There is, however, a list that you should make. Namely, that of the things which you are willing to sacrifice in service of your goals. To distill the difference via example: Early on in my career, one of the things I sacrificed for success was personal fitness (I stopped working out because I wanted always to be the first one in the office), which lead me to gain nearly 40 lbs. Now, I need to lose that weight – so it’s my new goal. Writing down “I want to lose 40 lbs” will do me no good, because wanting to lose the weight is not the issue. What I need to determine is, rather, what I am willing to sacrifice toward that end. My answer: 50 minutes of sleep [I wakeup at 3:45 am]. Why? So then I have time to work out before work and still be the first one into work. Writing it down though isn’t the point. What’s important is that you deliberate on what you’re willing to sacrifice. It’s quite easy to hope for what you want, of course, but when it comes to what you’re willing to give up, it puts things more meaningfully into perspective and tends to yield a very shortlist. Some things, however, such as your character and integrity, are not worth sacrificing. The battle for success should not be a zero-sum game. Notwithstanding, it is the sacrifice that makes the achievement of goals truly rewarding. And if you’re not willing to sacrifice for your goals, your goals will become your sacrifice.

  • You will never rise to the occasion

“We don't rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training.” That’s how Archilochus put it. Today, people talk about ‘rising to the occasion.’ What they mean is, the person happened to do well, for whatever random reason. But timely performance is scarcely happenstance. Indeed, whatever your expectations, you’ll never just ‘rise to the occasion. You’ll only fall to your highest level of preparation. Yet the thought, “I’ll rise to the occasion,” to be sure, is quite pervasive. I have far too often seen young reps treat their profession like it was something to ‘punch in and punch out,’ like the jobs they held as teenagers. This ‘game’ is not won, however, on the same fields that it is played. It all comes down to the effort you put in, day in and day out, while other people are sleeping. When I got my first job in sales as a life insurance agent, we had to memorize a seven-page script. I would walk around my apartment reading it aloud as if I was practicing for a play. When my manager made us roleplay, while everyone else on the team stumbled through the script, I ably delivered it from memory with passion in my voice. And when I first got in saas, we had to write our own script. I must have written dozens of revisions. I’d even practice my demo with my headset on, as though someone was on the other side of the phone. Most importantly, indeed, I did most of this while I was ‘off.’ When I was in the office, that was the game. Hence, I wanted to come in every day prepared to win, not just looking to practice. Per the previous point about sacrifice, well, I viewed that as a very easy sacrifice to make. Sales is a profession – not a clock/in-clock out 9 to 5. If you treat it as though it were the latter, your highest level of preparation may not be good enough.

  • Your choices will create your challenges

Every day, we make choices that many of us give little regard to. Many times those choices can remove obstacles or create challenges, which are imperative to overcome. An easy example is when someone whom every day takes public transit into work comes in late one day. It appears innocent enough, yet there were several decisions that were likely made well before the train (or whatever) “made” that rep late. Indeed, if they chose to take the last possible train that would get them to work on time, because they stayed out late having drinks with friends or watching netflix, and thus hit their snooze button, then one of those—not the train—was the reason that they were late that day. Now, will being late to work one day destroy your career? No, of course not. The lesson, however, is to understand that nothing is ‘net neutral.’ No matter how small it may seem, indeed, every decision might well result in challenges. If you want to be successful, you’ll need to sacrifice – and the choices you make every day to make those sacrifices will add up to the sum of your success.

  • Everyone wants to be great

Everyone wants to be great, so just shut up about it. Merely wanting to be great is not a special trait in and of itself. If you don’t want to be great at your chosen profession, well, I’d recommend finding a new profession. Talking about just how much you ‘really want to crush it’ doesn’t mean a single thing. I have interviewed hundreds—if not thousands—of candidates, and I’ve never yet had one tell me: “I’m going to come in and be a very solid C player. Not going to show off, but won’t fall behind. I’m just that solid C player that you’re looking for.” Not one time have I heard that. Though, in all honesty, I’d likely hire that person – they’re at least willing, to tell the truth. Typically, indeed, I hear about how great someone wants to be. They are of course the same person not practicing enough, seemingly unwilling to sacrifice weekday drinks with their social circle. No, they would no doubt faster sacrifice practicing their profession than miss out on a taco Tuesday. It is not at all fun, to be sure, but the road to greatness is a long, bumpy, and seemingly endless bridge of continual tolls. What separates the truly great from the merely talented, is a willingness to pay it(while saying very little about it).

Jaqueline Michelle

Brand Ambassador at Full Throttle Falato Leads

2w

John, thanks for sharing!

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Steven Rosen

Sales Leadership Coach | Top 50 Sales Influencer | Podcaster

4y

Thanks for sharing

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Ali Gilmartin Davis

REALTOR® and Mid-Peninsula Expert at Gilmartin Group Real Estate

4y

Thanks for this john!! always loved being challenged by you, as well as hearing your inspiring story of fight! 

Erik Bulichi

Sales Leader at Gong.io - Unlock Reality

4y

great read - thanks, Ellis! 

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